Shopping at Sears

The other day I was killing some time just walking about the mall and looking at the clearance items.  I walked into Sears, don't know why I don't buy anything there.  I guess I went into Sears out of pity.  It is like watching a friend die slowly.  Back in the day it was a cool place to shop, not so much now.  But I digress.

I noticed two men looking a the offering of fine Sears clothes on the clearance racks.  They were, how should I describe them, oh yes....rednecks.  Both had caps on, duh, and one was on the phone.  I presumed he was describing the incredible deals on Craftsman t-shirts he had discovered.  But what caught my attention was the way he held his phone.  His right elbow well at a 45 degree angle.  The mic part of the phone was held away from this mouth yet the speaker was next to his ear.  Imagine his elbow being a fulcrum point.  It was obvious to me this person knew his geometry

I was leaving the area then I hear him say, 'and brang me some underware'.  Like a moth to a flame I was drawn back.  And it continues...
Man:  Yea I said brang me some underware
Me:  please lord don't let me hear him say he doesn't have any on
Man:  Yeah, i don't like these, they ride up and shit
Me:  Didn't he know that when he put them on?
Man:  They are in the undeware drawer
Me:  Wouldn't his wife know this?  Or better yet does he hide them because he doesn't want to share?

At this time his friend asked him, 'Why do you need underware?'.  My first thought again was this crowd usually doesn't wear any underware and it is known by one and all.

Man:  I don't like these

And then I left.  But I did so with several unanswered questions.  Are the fit of the clothes at Sears so precise that they are effected by ill fitting under garments?  Does this group share underware?  Who exactly was he telling where is clean underware was?  Does he hide the good ones?  Was he not at home when he woke up this morning and did he borrow someones?

I should have stayed to see who brought them.....

(Undeware is mispelled on purpose, that is the way he pronounced it.)